


Reminiscence.

by lilyshoneybee



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Buffy is pining, Canon Divergence, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Relationships, fluffy ending?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-03-05 13:27:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18829576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilyshoneybee/pseuds/lilyshoneybee
Summary: Reminiscence (noun):The process or practice of thinking or telling about past experiences.





	Reminiscence.

**Author's Note:**

> A canon divergence in which Faith came back to help the Scoobies during the events of season 6, and more importantly, a canon divergence in which she and Tara were childhood best friends.
> 
> (A warning: this fic centres around Tara's death.)

The Summers house is completely silent for the first time in years.

 

Dawn’s just gone to her room. Buffy had been with her until then, but Dawn had grown tired from the upset and the manic chaos of the past few days, and had gone to bed, telling Buffy time and time again that she’d be fine, and that she’d come to get Buffy if she needed her anyway. Sometimes Buffy forgets Dawn is just a kid. Sometimes she forgets the poor girl has had to mature way beyond her years by now. She always forgets to find the balance.

 

Willow locked herself away in the spare bedroom almost as soon as they’d arrived back at the house. She’s let Xander in with her now, but she won’t see anyone else, or even consider going to her own room, not after what happened there. Buffy doesn’t blame her. She can’t stand the thought of being in the room either.

 

With Dawn sleeping, and Xander with Willow, that leaves Buffy finally able to talk to Faith. They haven’t really had a chance to talk since everything happened. And Buffy knows that Tara was Faith’s childhood best friend. She can’t bring herself to comprehend what Faith must be feeling right now. Just the thought of losing Willow or Xander makes her stomach churn, and she’s felt the heaviest weight in her heart ever since finding Tara’s body. To even think for one second what Faith must be feeling makes her want to vomit.

 

She’s been searching for Faith for some time now. She’s checked over the whole house, and nothing. Now she stands in the living room, looking around, as though she expects Faith to appear as if from nowhere. She doesn’t, of course.

 

Buffy heads for the front door now, wondering if Faith has gone for a walk, or maybe even gone out on patrol, turning her grief into anger and channelling it through slaying. It’s a tactic Buffy has to admit she’s used before, and Faith has an even harder time dealing with emotions than she does.

 

She isn’t even out of the front door, however, when she finds Faith. Sat on the porch, alone, staring into space -- and smoking.

 

_What is it with me and being attracted to smokers?_

 

Buffy shakes her head, pushing the thought out of her mind.

 

_Not now, Summers. Inappropriate._

 

Faith hasn’t seemed to notice Buffy yet. So she lingers, unsure of whether to approach the other girl. But surely it would be better to show Faith that she’s not alone? They’ve been rebuilding their relationship lately, and showing Faith support now would surely be a good way of saying “hey, I’ve got your back, and you’ve got mine”.

 

After taking a moment to collect her thoughts, Buffy decides it _is_ , in fact, the best course of action. So she steps out of the house, and closes the door behind her. The sound of this alerts Faith. The brunette turns to face Buffy -- Buffy is shocked to see the redness of Faith’s eyes (not shocked that she was upset -- more shocked because she somehow wasn’t prepared to see Faith in this unusual state for her) -- and smiles thinly.

 

“Hey, B,” she greets the blonde hoarsely. Buffy smiles sympathetically.

 

“Hey.” Buffy walks the few steps forward to allow her to sit on the porch beside Faith. There’s a little distance between them. Buffy thinks this is best. She looks at the cigarette in Faith’s hand. “See you’re handling this in a nice, healthy way.”

 

She means this as an attempt at humour. But as she says it, she hears how it could be misconstrued as an attack, especially at such a sensitive time in her relationship with Faith. Faith laughs weakly, though, and Buffy’s relieved that for once, they seem to be on the same page.

 

“Is there really any nice, healthy way to handle something like this?” Faith takes a puff from the cigarette, smoke billowing from her mouth as she exhales. “I mean, hey, at least I didn’t try to end the world, right?”

 

Buffy can’t help but laugh a little at this. Trust Faith to make a joke like that. And trust Buffy to laugh at it, too. “No shade on Will, though. We all handle things differently, I guess. Think I might’ve gone the same way, if I dabbled in the Magicks, or however you’d word that.”

 

This honesty from Faith is new to Buffy, and she thinks she likes it. She appreciates it for sure. Faith sniffs, and wipes her eyes. Buffy realises she’s crying again. She wants to reach out to comfort her -- but she’s worried that would be rejected, and they seem to have something pretty good going at the moment.

 

“Hey, you know… if you wanted to, like… talk about it, or whatever....”  Buffy knows she’s treading into territory that’s entirely new for her and Faith as a pair. Though they’re working on their relationship, and it seems to be going well, she’s cautious, not wanting to push things too far.

 

“I don’t know, B,” Faith’s voice is a little shaky now, “you should probably check on Will, or Dawn, or… I don’t know, Anya, or anyone else.”

 

“Anya?” Buffy laughs, a more genuine laugh this time. Faith does, too, and Buffy smiles to see this.

 

“Well, homegirl’s been through it lately.”

 

The amusement passes, and Faith sighs. She takes another puff of her cigarette. There’s a heavy sadness to her, and Buffy knows she can’t leave her alone like that. She clears her throat.

 

“Well, Willow is with Xander. Dawn’s sleeping. And Anya is… hard to reach at the moment, so...” she speaks a little more gently now, and nudges Faith with her shoulder, “looks like you’re stuck with me.”

 

Faith smiles sadly. Then looks down at her hands. She frowns gently. Buffy knows she’s deep in thought. She always frowns like that when she’s thinking. Faith takes a breath, and, without looking back at Buffy, begins to talk.

 

“You know, when we were kids, Tara and I always used to play Let’s Pretend.” Buffy listens intently to Faith’s every word. “She’d always pretend to be a witch. I’d always pretend to be a vampire. We realised the irony a few months ago.” Faith chuckles weakly as she says this. Buffy finds herself fighting tears too. “They were best friends. The witch and the vampire, I mean. Despite all the odds, despite their differences, despite what everyone thought, they were the best of friends.”

 

Faith swallows. She takes yet another puff of her cigarette. There are silent tears slipping down her cheeks. She sniffs, and swallows a sob. “You wouldn’t understand why a witch would want to be best friends with a vampire. And I think that’s how people felt about Tara and I, too. She’s there, this… amazing energy, absolute sunshine personified, all sugar and spice and everything nice, always smiling… she could have had her pick of anyone in the world to be her best friend, and yet she chose me, even though I was, and still am, the total opposite to her.”

  
She falls silent for a few moments. Buffy doesn’t speak, though. She doesn’t feel like it’s the moment. She allows herself to move a little closer to Faith, though, closing the gap between them -- now they’re almost touching.

 

“I never really understood why she wanted to be friends with me. Hell, I still don’t get it, to this day. She deserved so much better than me, B. Someone who could give her the energy she gave them. I was never one for that. I don’t know what she saw in me.” Faith laughs harshly. “I mean, hell, most of your gang are more the sunshine and lollipops type, and they didn’t see the appeal.”

 

“To be fair, the situation was pretty… unique,” Buffy’s voice is shaking a little, though she tries to keep it even (it breaks her heart to hear Faith talk about herself like this), “I don’t think it was anything to do with you as a person.”

 

Faith shrugs.

 

“Point still stands. I didn’t deserve her. She was such an amazing person, and I’m just… not.” Her voice cracks at the end. She takes a moment to compose herself. Clearly not wanting to cry in front of Buffy. Buffy doesn’t press on this.

 

“You know, I don’t think you’re all that bad,” Buffy tells her, gently, “I mean, I know we had our ups and downs, but… the way you want to better yourself, and the way you’re working towards that… I think that’s pretty amazing, myself.”

 

This earns a watery smile from Faith, who now finally looks up to Buffy, with teary red eyes.

 

“Thanks, B. I’m not sure if I believe you, but thank you for saying it.”

 

“You can believe it, Faith.”

 

Faith shrugs again. Looks away again, and across the garden. Her thoughtful frown back on her expression. Buffy waits patiently for Faith to talk more. There’s suddenly a small smile on Faith’s lips, as though thinking of a fond memory.

 

“We always said we were gonna live together when we grew up. There was much debate about it. I was all for a big mansion right by a beach. Tara was more for a quiet little place in the woods. The one thing we both agreed on was that we wanted lots and lots of cats.” Faith laughs tearily. She’s crying now, as much as she was trying to fight it. She wipes away a tear. “I always told her we’d get the beach mansion, but… really, if we ever got to have our place together, I was gonna make sure it was the little place in the woods. Or at the very least, I was gonna make sure Tara got to live in a place like that at some point in her life. I knew how happy it would make her.” Faith’s frown deepens, and she has to swallow before she can speak again. “God, it fucking _sucks_ that she’s never gonna get that.”

 

She doubles over, dropping the forgotten cigarette to the ground, and sobs into her hands. Buffy feels as though her heart has literally shattered for Faith. Any unease she felt at seeing Faith upset has melted away, and now all she feels is a deep, painful sympathy. She reaches out, first to put a gentle hand on her back.

 

“Hey…” she whispers gently. She leans down to be a little more at Faith’s level. She’s almost expecting Faith to push her away and completely reject her comfort. What happens instead shocks her -- Faith turns to her, and throws her arms around her, clinging to her tightly and sobbing into her shoulder. Buffy has to get past her surprise quickly, though, to hug Faith back, stroking her hair comfortingly.

 

“She was my _best friend_ , B. She was my best friend, and _so fucking young_ , and now she’s gone, and it’s not fucking fair.”

 

“I know, it’s not fair. It’s _so_ not fair.”

 

“I’m _glad_ Will did what she did, that bastard fucking deserved it, and he’s lucky I didn’t get my hands on him, too.” Faith sniffs. “And God, he almost killed you too. And I don’t think I could have handled it, losing both of you.”

 

This comment takes Buffy completely by surprise. Faith has never said anything like this about her before. But now, she can’t help but think back to when she’d woken up in the hospital, how Faith had looked ready to cry…

 

Buffy shakes herself out of her thoughts as Faith pulls away, taking deep breaths and wiping her eyes. Her makeup is smudged under her eyes now. She looks almost embarrassed.  “Uh… sorry about that.” Her voice is hoarse, and strained. “I don’t know what came over me.”

 

“What came over you is you’ve just lost your best friend, and you’re rightfully sad over it.” Faith looks down again. Buffy takes hold of her hand -- Faith looks back up to her, a vulnerability flashing in her eyes. “Come on, let’s get you inside. I can make you some tea, or… I don’t know, give you a shot of something --” (Faith laughs a little at this) “-- and then you should get some rest.”

 

Buffy is silent for a moment, considering what she’s going to say next. Then she smiles. “Will’s in the spare room tonight, but you can always stay in my room. You look like you could do with the company.”

 

There’s a moment, before Faith reacts, where Buffy is terrified she’s pushed things too far. She’s about to tell Faith not to worry about it, to forget she said anything at all -- but then, Faith smiles, a genuine smile Buffy rarely, if ever, sees on her lips. It even reaches her eyes.

 

“Yeah. A shot and some company sound great right now. In that particular order, mind.”

 

Buffy grins.

 

“There’s the Faith I know and love.” She stands and holds out her hand to help Faith up. “Come on.”

 

Faith smiles again, reaches up, and takes Buffy's hand.


End file.
